Superheroing for Dimwits
by thespeedforce4
Summary: "In this complete How-To Guide, you will learn the basics of superheroing, costume designing, training with your specific power, living with other super-powered teens and getting the girl - all while keeping up with your grades!" From critically acclaimed author, Wallace Rudolph West [story and book]
1. introduction

**Superheroing for Dimwits**

"In this complete How-To Guide, you will learn the basics of superheroing, costume designing, training with your specific power, living with other super-powered teens and getting the girl - all while keeping up with your grades!"

From critically acclaimed author, Wallace Rudolph West

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><p><strong>Introduction<strong>

Being a superhero has its perks but it is not for the faint of heart. A very select few are able to call themselves "superheroes" - and for good reason. The Life, as we like to call it, isn't for shits and giggles. It takes excessive hours of training, late night patrols and the sacrifice of one's social life.

There are many requirements for being a superhero, all of which will be covered in the duration of this book. Some prominent requirements are:

**Physical Health**

You must be in peak condition in order to keep up with the "baddies". It is a strenuous job filled with high speed chases and hand-to-hand combat. You may just find yourself jumping from roof to roof at times.

**Mental Health**

Not only is this a physically demanding field of occupation, but it can also take a toll on your mentality. PTSD is not a joke.

**Irregular Sleeping Patterns**

Crime never sleeps, and neither will you.

**Good BS Skills**

Especially important for school goers - because 'my dog ate my homework' and 'I forgot' only work 17% of the time. Skills will also be used for explaining your never-ending injuries, tardiness and why you can't go to your friend's parties.

**Superpowers**

Although not required - they can come in handy when you get stuck in some tough situations - and believe me, you will. But that doesn't mean you should go jump into some bio-hazardous goo or hang out at a radioactive facility.

**Flexible Work Hours**

As stated before: crime doesn't sleep - and it has no regular hours. You may work everyday from 5 to 7, but crime can happen at any time of day or night.

**Secret Identity**

Because Wallace West isn't a good superhero name and if your information fell into the wrong hands it could ultimately put your friends and family in -

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><p>"Wally?" His door slid open. Why didn't he lock it again? He quickly exited out of his word document and shut his laptop. Artemis quirked an eyebrow, "was that porn?"<p>

"Wha- no?! Artemis! What do you want?"

She put her arms up in surrender, "I just thought you'd like to know, dinners ready."

He put his laptop in his lap and opened it, tilting the screen so she couldn't see as he relaunched his word document. "Alright, I'll be there in a second."

Artemis stood with a dumbfounded look on her face. "What?" He questioned. But she just shook her head and mumbled something along the lines of 'impossible'.

He ignored her and began clicking away at his document. A couple minutes later he heard whispers coming from his door. "Ugh, Artemis, why didn't you shut my -" he stopped short. The Team plus Batman stood in the doorway of his room.

The Dark Knight narrowed his eyes, taking in the mess that was his bedroom before analyzing him closely. "West, are you feeling alright?" The rest of the team snickered.

"Y-yea?" He nodded slowly. As if on cue his stomach growled. He was so wrapped up in his writing he hadn't noticed how hungry he actually was. Wally wasn't a writer, but today he was feeling extra motivated. It could never be published of course - secret ID and all, but he needed to get it down on paper and out of his head.

The team laughed as his stomach protested him putting off dinner and he sighed. "What's for dinner?"

M'gann's eyes went wide and she looked at her teammates for help. "Uh, pizza, buffalo wings, garlic breadsticks and c-cookies?" She stuttered, unsure of herself.

He nodded, saved his document and shut off his computer. "Well, what are you all waiting for?" He walked to his crowded doorway. With a smirk he gently placed a finger under Artemis' hanging jaw and shut it for her, "be careful, babe, wouldn't want you catching any flies."

She gave him a glare in return, "I was beginning to wonder where you went, Wallace." She couldn't help but smile as she and the rest of the team followed him to the kitchen.

Batman stopped Robin and pulled him aside. "What's on that computer?"

Robin grinned, "already on it."

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><p><strong>AN**

I'm sorry, I know this is short. I promise the next one is longer! (It's already written and to be posted depending on how this is received).

This was just an Introduction - be prepared for more Superhero information than you could ever learn anyways else!

Allow me to explain how this story is going to work.

The beginning will contain a chapter from Wallace's book and the remainder will be a little story connecting to the chapter. They will all be connected in some way, shape or form.

Until next time,

Natalie

the speed force

thank you _itsasuperherothing _for being the best beta ever xoxo


	2. Chapter 1: The Three G's

**Chapter One:**

**The Three G's**

Guts, Girls and Glory; all of which come with the territory. The first one is required, the third is often guaranteed (unless you screw up or it's covert ops) and the second one all depends on how you play your cards.

_Guts_: If you don't have any of these you might as well quit while you're ahead (and stop by the ER on your way home because that could cause some serious health issues). You've gotta be braver than you believe. Now, I'm not saying you've gotta be the Bat[man] but you have to be braver than the average person for at least five minutes because sometimes five minutes can be the difference between life and death.

_Girls_: Now the ladies are a special breed. They're smarter than us, hotter than us and often times superior to us. (I will never admit that out loud and will deny ever writing it if brought up in normal conversation). As an expert in the category of all things female I can say, without a shadow of doubt, that they love their heroes - super and otherwise. The spandex may be uncomfortable but they cover us up all the while leaving enough for the girls to imagine what we're packing (and I'm talking abdominals of course, you sick minded juveniles).

_Glory_: There is nothing better than being recognized for what you do - especially when it's saving the world three times a year - yes, it happens that often. But the glory isn't everything. Much of what we do stays covered up and behind the scenes. So although the whole world doesn't know, you've got the appreciation of your team, the League and your family - and sometimes that's all you need.

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><p><strong>GUTS<strong>

"No- no he doesn't understand!" She stared down into the sight of her bow.

"Artemis?"

"I don't think I can do this, Wally." She whispered into the comm.

"Artemis? Artemis, babe, what's going on up there?" He tried to be sensitive to the situation. He couldn't see what she was seeing all he knew is that if she didn't take out the target, he, Robin and Miss M were going to die. They were crammed in a military style humvee and their chances of surviving were becoming more and more bleak by the minute.

"There has to be another way." He couldn't see her, but the desperation in her voice made whatever situation she was in seem almost if not worse than his current one.

"Artemis, I don't think there is another way."

"Forgive me." Her comm went dead.

The ginger groaned through the comm. "Artemis? Artemis," he repeated, straining in the hopes that she'll hear him. But it was useless, she cut off communication. He exchanged a desperate look with Robin, who was cradling M'gann's limp head in his hands. It was all up to her.

Artemis never missed a shot before - that's not what made this shot harder than any other she had taken before.

She watched the woman reach into her jacket and pull out a TATP. A bomb. The convoy that held Robin, Kid Flash and Miss Martian was heading straight towards her. There was no way to get them out with all of the guards around. Superboy was AWOL and Artemis was on her own.

The woman was going to blow them all up. She had two arrows left. She was out of trick arrows. All she had left were traditional arrowheads. They weren't meant to be used for a person - a civilian.

She glared into her sight. "Turn around," she begged silently to the woman. "_Turn around_." The woman turned towards the alley she came from and Artemis almost cried out in relief. Then the armed woman did something the blonde thought impossible of anyone with a conscience to ever attempt. She beckoned into the alley and a young boy ran out to meet her.

"No." Artemis' eyes went wide. "No. No no no no _no_." She handed him the grenade and time slowed. She knew what she had to do. But she couldn't do it. The woman whispered something to the boy and he nodded slowly. Or maybe she yelled it, Artemis couldn't be sure. She couldn't hear anything but her own futile attempts to breath. She was choking on air. "No - no he doesn't understand!"

The comm in her ear cracked to life. "Artemis?"

Artemis let out a broken gasp. "I don't think I can do this, Wally." She whispered into the comm.

"Artemis? Artemis, babe, what's going on out there?"

She wasn't listening. She couldn't comprehend what he was saying. The blood rushed to her ears and the world lay heavy on her shoulders. This wasn't fair. She shouldn't have to make this decision. She shouldn't have to decide between life and death. "There has to be another way."

His next words broke her. "Artemis, I don't think there is another way."

She closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath. "Forgive me." Her comm went dead.

Artemis pulled back on the bow and watched the boy run from his mother's arms and towards the convoy - towards her friends. "Please. Please. Stop." She choked out. _Please hear me_. The men guarding the humvee holding her teammates hostage knew what was happening and the ran. It was a part of the plan. How could they know what was happening and still allow it to happen? What kind of evil let a little boy run to his death and not do anything to stop it?

Time slowed. Her heart beat hard and fast in her chest. She wondered if the boy could hear it.

She took aim. Breath, she told herself. In, out. In, out. In. _She let go_. Out.

For once, she wished she could have missed.

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><p><strong>GIRLS<strong>

"OMG Kid Flash is _soooo _hot!"

"His freckles are so cute!"

"His _spandex_!"

"Kid Flash is bae."

Wally pulled at his hair in frustration. Four girls from his Calculus class spent every class period swooning over him. Normally, he would enjoy this only it wasn't technically _him _they were gushing over. It was Kid Flash. His "number one" fans were so close, yet so far away. It drove the ginger mad.

Finally he put on his best smirk, and tapped one of the girls on the shoulder. "You know, beautiful, I may not be as fast as the fastest kid alive," he laughed on the inside, "but I sure am the hottest."

The girl blushed but the others weren't buying it. "What? Red hair, freckles, track star and have you ever seen me in spandex?" Wally boasted.

"You wish, West," one of them laughed.

The one who blushed turned back around in her seat, "yeah, nice try, Wally, but Kid Flash is way hotter than you."

"Sorry, Wallace," the last one shrugged. "Other than the hair, you and Kid Flash have nothing in common." This was the kind of punishment Wally wouldn't wish on any of his enemies.

The ginger slouched and grumbled in his seat. "You have no idea."

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><p><strong>GLORY<strong>

The crowd was deafening. They screamed his name.

"_Kid Flash, Kid Flash, Kid Flash."_

He beamed proudly at the flashing lights of millions of cameras as he took the stage. The stage lights blocked half the crowd that spanned down blocks and although he couldn't see them all he knew there must have been thousands there. For him. Specifically for him. The President shook his hand. "You're a true hero, young man. You're bravery is to be admired." He leaned down and whispered into Wally's ear. "You're my hero, Kid Flash."

You're my hero, Kid Flash.

_You're my hero, Kid Flash._

_You're my hero, Kid-_

A bucket of cold water splashed onto Wally's face. "Hey, Bay watch!" A certain blonde's voice invaded the ginger's dream. "Wake up! You've got visitors"

Wally glowered at the blonde from his white hospital style bed. "Hey! You can't get my cast wet! I just got this fighting Deathstroke, you know!"

Artemis rolled her eyes, "yeah, yeah, Wally. We know. You've only told us about a million times!" The rest of the team was with her standing around his bed in the infirmary.

"I'm going to stop visiting if you tell it one more time," Superboy deadpanned. The team laughed and cracked a couple more jokes about the ginger. They ate lunch with him around his bed before the all left for a training session with Black Canary that Wally was not invited to join. Bed rest sucked.

Artemis was the last to leave. She waved Wally goodbye before running to catch up with the team. The boy smiled sadly at the doorway she was just standing in. Pulling his eyes away he slouched down into his pillows and closed his eyes.

"Wally?" His green eyes snapped open and met Artemis' gray ones. "Wally," she repeated, clearing her throat. She examined her hands and looked around the room, suddenly finding the white tiled floor fascinating. "You know.. I really do appreciate what you did last night. You know that… right."

He smiled. "Yeah. I know, Harpy."

Her eyes found his and his heart swelled at the happiness they held. She gave him a flash of a smile and a short nod before turning back the way she came.

It wasn't the President, but her thanks meant so much more to him than any politician or screaming fan's.

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><p><strong>AN**

The first one was kind of dark - I apologize but I kept the other two light and fluffy just for you guys

Your reviews made me happy, thank you

Until next time,

Natalie  
>the speed force<p> 


	3. Chapter 2: Costumes and Logos

**Chapter Two:**

**Costumes and Logos**

For this chapter, I'm going to break up parts of a costume into subparts in order to cover as much as possible in as much detail as necessary:

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><p><em><strong>Costumes:<strong>_ What makes you distinguishable from other heroes is more important than one might think. Not only does it make you recognizable but it also keeps your real ID safe (and if that falls into the wrong hands - you're screwed). Take any superheroes costume and you'll find there is so much more behind it than spandex and underwear.

Often made of Kevlar, a type of leather, these costumes are made to be durable and bulletproof while being breathable and lightweight. If you can't move easily in your suit you're going to need a new one. It is hard to make a good costume in your basement with your mom's sewing machine - unless you've got a boatload of cash and a fancy machine. Often times the League or your mentor will provide one for you (suggesting you choose to join the League or a team in general).

Not only meant for looks and identifying you, your suit must be fully equipt with some superheroing essentials. The suggestions are not limited to:

_Fully Body Armor_: Unless you are Kryptonian and your skin is indestructible I suggest investing in some bullet proof material.

_Night Vision_: If you wear a mask this will be easy to incorporate into a costume. You just need to activate it via button or switch located on mask and viola - instant vision in even the darkest of places. Makes disappearing into the shadows easier and more graceful.

_Gas Filters_: Whether it's you throwing the gas or one of your enemies - having this accessory is a must. If you get ambushed unprepared with some sort of gas - you're going to be no help to those you are trying to safe and your teammates - you just turn into another liability they have to deal with.

_Gloves_: Covers fingerprints and also supplies easy storage for things like lock picks and waterproof matches

_Steel-toe boots_: Because getting your toes stepped on his a pain.

_Utility belt_: Holds all your stuff together. (to be covered in more detail later in the chapter)

_Shoulder/Elbow/Knee Pads_: if you've ever ridden and fallen off of a bike before you will understand while these are important.

_Mask_: Keep your ID safe and sometimes have special features. (See Night Vision/Gas Filters)

**NOTE:** the prior were suggestions, but are surely not limited to those listed. Feel free to make any additions and custumizations to your costume. Now, onto the utility belts in greater detail (perhaps too much detail).

_**Utility Belts**_: Nothing is better than a handy dandy utility belt. It's like a high fashion fanny pack for heroes! There is no specific look for a utility belt but we recommend it you stick to a color scheme so your costume and belt do not clash. Organizing and memorizing your belt will be important - getting caught rummaging through it will not help you in any situation.

_What to put in your utility belt_: [Suggested but not limited to]

Infrared flashlight

Infrared ordnance

Smoke capsules

Fingerprint analysis kit

Forensic analysis kit

First aid kit

Lockpicking tools

Tear gas pellets

Micro-processor power source

Micro-recorder (updated regularly)

Batline spool + grappling gun

Miniature Laser torch

Handcuffs

Various incendiary capsules (including plastique and thermite)

Rebreather and gas mask

Tracker

Cryo capsule

Sedatives

Toxin illusion of death

Mini explosives

Light Grenades

Anti fire foam

Grenades iron filings

Silver nitrate

Batarangs/Birdarangs (there are specifically for members of the Bat Family)

Tracers

Communicator

Tasers

Tactical Knife

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><p>Wally pulled at his restraints. His arms had been suspended above his head for 15 minutes now and he was beginning to feel the pins and needles.<p>

Robin gruntled. "They took my belt and gloves. I've got nothing."

"Same. I've been cleaned." Artemis added from somewhere off to Wally's right. "What about you, KF?"

He was about to nod when he realized something. "Wait!" He turned his head and pushed on his bicep, not-so-gracefully opening up a small push hatch. "I think I've got something!"

After a couple moments filled with Wally's shuffling the bird boy asked impatiently, "well, what is it?"

There was some crinkling sounds. "Kid?" Artemis asked. A soft chewing sound was all the answered her. "Are you _freaking kidding me_?" She snarled and Robin let out his signature cackle.

"What?" Wally asked threw a mouthful of Protein Bar. "A boy gets hungry when he runs at sound barrier breaking speeds!"

Artemis just rolled her eyes. "Maybe if you'd just listen to Batman and packed you pockets with _useful _things we'd be out of here by now!"

"Hey! Food is useful!"

"Guys," Robin laughed.

"Food isn't getting us out of this mess."

"It's helping me think."

"Nothing helps you think."

"Guys," Robin said again, more forcefully this time.

"_RUDE_!"

"GUYS!"

"What!" The blonde and red-head turned to Robin at the same time. The bird boy stood in front of them, free from his binds with a grin on his face. He walked over to Artemis and let her down. The two of them walked to the heavy metal door.

"Wait. Guys? Robin. Where are you going?" The two exchanged a glance and by the looks of their smirks, Wally knew he was going to have to wait for the training simulation to end before someone - probably the Bat to let him down. Explaining himself to him was not something he was looking forward to.

Never before did Wally wish he could vibrate through things more than that moment.

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><p><em><strong>LogosEmblems:**_ Your logo will be super easy to come up with if you have a super power, weapon of trade, theme or a mentor.

For example: The Flash and Kid Flash. Both have super speed and both received powers from chemicals and lightning - hence the lightning bolt on both emblems. For those without powers we have the Arrows. Green Arrow, Red Arrow and Artemis all have a weapon of trade - the bow. This makes making their symbol an easy and memorable choice.

Although, they are not required. Black Canary does well without one - although, with a voice like hers, she is hard to forget.

When it comes down to it, the choice is yours. Just try to make sure it makes sense.

I'm looking at you, _Speedy -_ Red Arrow.

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><p><strong>AN**

Comments, concerns and anything else can be left in a review if you are so led to leave me your opinions.

If I get enough reviews I might just include a little bonus one shot between Wally and Roy about Roy's boring/unoriginal Superhero Identity: Red Arrow.

The list of things in the utility belt I got from what is known to have been in Batman's over the years.

Until next time,

Natalie  
>the speed force<p> 


	4. Chapter 2: BONUS SCENE

Superheroing for Dimwits BONUS SCENE

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><p><em><strong>LogosEmblems:**_

"So, tell me again, Roy, why is it you picked possibly the most unoriginal superhero identity in the history of superhero identities?" Wally elbowed the elder ginger.

With a death glare, he just grunted in response. "Seriously," Wally continued. "At least Artemis used something else! Granted it _is_ her actual name and that in itself is stupid - but she's got a theme. You literally took the title: _Green Arrow_, made a red costume and called yourself _Red Arrow_."

Wally was quite familiar with the phrase _let sleeping dogs lie_, but the temptation was too much for him. Artemis sat across from him in the kitchen. She glared at him halfheartedly for his name comment but decided not to pursue an argument. She would much rather see how long it took for the older archer to snap. Robin sat next to her and they silently made bets.

"I mean, how _lame _is that? I guess it's not as bad as your first one." Roy seethed angrily at the younger boy, but he didn't seem to notice. It was a matter of time before he burst and Robin and Artemis couldn't wait to see it happen.

"Speedy? Come _on_!" The two onlookers slowly back away from the blast zone. "What does that have anything to do with what you do? You're not even fast!"

...

"So," Artemis leaned up against the door to the infirmary and did her best to hold in a snicker, "Roy isn't fast, huh?"

Wally shot the blonde a glare and threw his head under the white sheets. Robin let out his signature cackle and the redhead let out a muffled yell. "Go away!"

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><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed this little bonus scene :)<strong>

read & review

**the speed force**


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